In Which I Give Away Secrets

Most of you know I'm a Personal trainer and fitness junkie. It's true. There is honestly nothing better than completely crushing a badass workout, and reaping the rewards that come with it. Endorphins, a hot bod. You know. The ush. 

 In sharing my fitness story with a lot of people, I get asked the most about my most outstanding personal accomplishment, which is reversing my pretty severe lordosis. (Lordosis is extreme curvature of the lumbar spine.) So, in this post, I want to share my story and what I did to achieve my goal. 

Firstly: a before picture. 

See how my lower back is unusually curved? Yeah. It's really bad! Lordosis is caused by muscles being out of whack. Mine was due to my hip flexors being extremely tight, and my core muscles being weak.  

Here's a visual- proper spinal alignment on the left, and kyphosis-lordosis posture on the right. 

Here's a visual of the hip flexor muscle group above, and what they (and other muscles) do to the pelvis below. 

In my personal trainer textbook, they taught me to think of the pelvis as a bucket of water. You don't want the water to spill out the front, and you don't want the water to spill out the back. The goal is neutral spine. 

Think of a game of tug-o-war, muscle addition. The pelvic alignment is the rope, and the core and the hip flexors are the teams. Needless to say, my core lost miserably. Thankfully, this is all correctable by proper exercise and flexibility training! I started doing hip flexor stretches like these: 

And lots of core strengthening exercises, especially those that are Pilates movements or Pilates inspired. 

After about two years of doing this, I've seen amazing results. My lordosis is very near complete reverse, and I rarely have low back pain anymore.  

This before & after shot also includes a decent body fat percentage drop as well. Which I am also quite proud of. Just sayin'. :P 

So, I hope this was helpful to all you people out there with the same problem. Stick with it! I promise it WILL pay off. 

Cheers! Xoxo 

The Miracle of Alcohol

{Rubbing alcohol that is.}

So this week I dozed off/lost track of time while tanning in my back yard and got sunburnt. I generally tan pretty easily if I'm careful (especially for being fair skinned), but if I stay out too long, I also burn pretty easily. So a few years ago when a friend told me to try rubbing alcohol, I was trepidatious. I was cynical towards anyone who claimed to have found a miracle cure for sunburns. I had accepted them as part of life. I had resigned myself to always being the burnt white chick.

BUT. My friend? She was right. I tried rubbing alcohol on a bad sunburn and I was blown away by how much less my burn hurt. Then one day by total accident, I discovered the additional wonders a steam shower can do for a sunburn. I had stayed out in the sun too long and got burnt, so I used alcohol on it. Later that evening I was the shade of a lobster, but I had no pain. So I took my usual hot shower. By the next day I was tanned with no sign of redness. I was so shocked. So, from that day on, it is my sunburn ritual to put alcohol on, let it sit for a few minutes and then take a hot shower. 

My words are not enough?

 The photo on the left was taken yesterday (wed, aug 28th) about 2-3 hours after sun exposure. The photo on the right was taken this morning (thurs, aug 29th) around 9:30am. I had applied the alcohol right after I came inside (before I even knew how bad it was) and took a hot shower. Several hours later I noticed the redness on my neck (still no pain though) so I did round 2 of alcohol and hot shower, and went to bed. 

But how does it work? 

Honestly, I have no idea. My theory is that both the alcohol and the hot steam shower open the pores of the skin and let the heat out, which makes the burns painless and heal overnight. Not that I'm a burn/skin expert, but clearly it does something! So my loves, this IS the overnight cure for sunburns. At least for me! Try it on your next sunburn and let me know how it works for you! 

Cheers! Xoxo 

The Most Annoying Things

Things that are annoying. Enjoy.

Diet pop drinkers:

Mornings: 

People who chew and breathe loudly:

People who don't answer texts:

Copy cats and one uppers. Have you no originality or character? 

Being called a bitch: 

Men when they get colds: 

Speaking of which, also periods: 

People who do not understand my humor: 

People who just don't get me:

These people: 

People with bad grammar: 

Boob sweat: 

This person: 

When this happens: 

Close minded people. (Not everyone and everything can or has to fit inside the little box you've limited your life to. Also, if everyone was exactly the same, the world would be very boring, especially for you, because you wouldn't have anyone to talk about....)

People who think MY uterus/procreation is their business. (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T.)

Also people who automatically assume pregnancy if a female mentions feeling sick or having a hankering for a certain food. 

Parents who say things like "Oh, just wait till you try doing that with kids!" and "Oh, you think YOU'RE stressed? Try having kids!" and especially "You don't want kids?! HOW could you not want kids?!" (<-- I have an extensive knowledge of what having kids is like. Does that answer your question?) And ESPECIALLY people who think couples, but especially women, could never possibly have a fulfilling life without giving birth to offspring. NEWSFLASH: NOT TRUE. People without kids have various reasons, and usually they're none of your business, and most definitely NOT your place to judge. And whatever the reasons, it is perfectly possible and acceptable for a couple to decide not to procreate. There are lots of different purposeful, fulfilling callings in life, and while parenthood is definitely important, it's not for everyone. 

Stereotypes:

People who can't be accepting of all different body types: 

People who judge girls with a lot of guy friends: 

When this happens:

And last but not least, Miley Cyrus and her tongue: 

The end. 

Cheers! Xoxo

Intelligence Looks Good on Everyone.

Friends. Frenemies. Enemies. AKA, People of Facebook. Please, Read. It's for your own good.



I don't claim to know everything on this topic, or to be without flaw. But. I feel this needs to be said.

Your horrible grammar is making you look like a complete idiot. Seriously. There is a vast difference between an innocent typo once in awhile, and horrible, HORRIBLE grammar. So here are some pointers for you:

1. Defiantly and Definitely are NOT THE SAME WORD. Even though you were probably just butchering the spelling and spell check decided to go with "defiantly", that doesn't mean it's the correct word for what you're trying to say.

Defiantly: Adv. Showing defiance: She defiantly continued using bad grammar. 
Definitely: Adv. Without doubt (used for emphasis): I will definitely notice your bad grammar.

2. The age old They're, Their, There. This one baffles me every time I see them misused. It's so easy to remember. So obvious.

They're: They are (Get it? They're, they are. Hey. It's just the two words smushed together. Imagine that.)
Their: Possessive. Belonging to or associated with a person or thing. Their minds were made up to use bad grammar. 
There: Adv. In, at, or to that place or position: The people there do not know how to use proper grammar.





3. Are and Our. People. This one is just sad.

Are: Those girls are always sounding like idiots.
Our: Our dog uses better grammar than you. 

4. Pare, Pear, Pair. Seriously???

Pare: Verb. Trim (something) by cutting away its outer edge. I will pare your fingers if you say you bought a new pare of jeans one more time.
Pear: Noun. A Yellowish or brownish-green edible fruit that is typically narrow at the stalk and wider toward the base, with sweet, slightly gritty flesh. This pear can spell better than you.
Pair: Noun. A set of two things used together or regarded as a unit. A pair of scissors. 

5. #4 leads to my next grammar pet peeve. It is, in fact, a PAIR of scissors. Not "A scissors" As mentioned above, "pair" (in this case) refers to something regarded as a unit. Scissors. The word "Scissors" is a plural noun. And no, I am sorry, This cannot be remedied by saying "a scissor", because, "scissor" in fact, is a verb.

If you're reading this, Hubsy, yes, that was directed at you. Heh. It's okay, I still love you. ;)

6. To and Too.

To: Preposition. Expressing motion in the direction of (a particular location). I don't think that girl went to school. 
Too: Adverb. 1. To a higher degree than is desirable, permissible, or possible; excessively: He was typing too fast to notice his spelling errors. 
2. in addition, also: Is he joining the bad grammar club too?

7. Periods and Commas. Or rather, the misuse thereof.

The Comma: Indicates a pause between parts of a sentence. It is also used to separate items in a list and to mark the place of thousands in a large numeral.
Example:
Let's eat, grandma! (Much better than the alternative, "Let's eat grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.)
1,000



The Period: Indicates the end of a sentence or an abbreviation.

8. Your & You're.

Your: Possessive. Belonging to or associated with the person or people that the speaker is addressing. Your grammar is so horrible it makes me cry.
You're: Contraction. You are. (You are, You're. Huh. There's that funny coincidence again. Mind. Blown.)



And that my friends, is all I have for today. Please take a few moments to let that all sink in. Your local grammar Nazi will thank you.

Including me.

Especially me.

Cheers! xoxo